Last night was when I found out Zack had committed suicide. Although I wasn’t close with him, my heart just breaks at the thought of it. To think that he left this world with pain and sadness, he let darkness take over. I can’t even believe it.
He was in my youth group at church, and I never really knew him but what if I had? What if I would have taken the time to get to know him? Would I have been friends with him? Would his life have been different? What if someone would have reached out to him? Would that have saved his life? I can’t help but wonder why God didn’t put someone in his life to stop this from happening. Why did God let this happen? Why didn’t anyone see this coming? Did anyone see this coming?
I can’t help but feel heartbroken for those people in his life that were close to him. Especially his girlfriend. I hope and pray that she will somehow grow closer to God through this situation. I don’t understand why God let this happen. A natural response is to get mad, angry at God but all we can do is trust that He will somehow use this for good. I just don’t see it now, but to someone maybe it does make sense.
Based on Facebook, a lot of people are being affected. There are tons of posts, and I hope and pray that others out there are praying too. I called my mom to tell her the news, she’s good friends with his mom and she’s with her today. Does his mom blame herself? I hope not, pray not. Does his girlfriend? I just can’t even imagine. I didn’t know him all that well but his death has affected me.
I can’t stop reflecting on how I’m living my life so obliviously.
Do I do a god job showing other that they are loved?
Some people are harder to love than others, but God loves us all and it is our job to show His love. To let it shine through us. I wonder if there is anyone in my life who is suffering inside just like Zack was. There probably are. They do a great job at hiding it, and you would never know until it’s too late. Just like now, it is too late for Zack. I want God to use me, now, to open my eyes to the people around me and to see where people need loving. No one should go through life feeling unloved. I need to do a better job. I have been failing. It’s so easy to be caught up in you own problems, or you own life, and it’s easy to ignore others around you who are dealing with problems 100 times more serious.
It was interesting scrolling through Facebook and Twitter. Among all of the posts about Zack, I would see posts about how people are stressed about homework or that they are “so hungry” and all sorts of dumb small problems and here we have someone who took his own life because he didn’t see the purpose of life. He let darkness win. What is the purpose of life, then? Zack just died. His life ended but life here moves on. People that knew him are affected but others simply say, “that sucks” and continue on with their lives. We can’t stop the world from moving on. It’s always moving. Even when my life ends, life beyond mine keeps living. To take another moment and reflect isn’t a bad thing to do. Sitting here and reevaluating life is necessary.
This has been a tragic wakeup call.
Let God use this for God. Let Him change my heart, mind and actions. Life is bigger than you and me. Life is bigger than my problems, grades, friendships. God is life. God comes first. That’s where I need to start. It shouldn’t take a tragic death to realize that, but it has been a wakeup call.”
This was from my journal, written the day after Zack’s suicide. He passed away two years ago and to this day, I can tell you that this has made an enormous impact on my life. The drive and desire to live my life with a purpose, I believe, comes from this tragic death because it really put life into perspective for me. It’s really sad that sometimes it takes a death or something tragic for someone to realize the importance of God and life.
After his death, I became depressed and really hard on myself. Life kept flying by and as time went on, less and less was heard about Zack. It’s a harsh reality when you realize that your life is very small and insignificant compared to this large, fast-paced world. I can tell you right now that since his death, many people have been impacted and Maybe there are many people out there who can relate to this story, maybe there are many out there who are struggling with the death of a friend, loved one, or even just an acquaintance.
My hope and prayer for anyone out there who is suffering is that they will not turn away from God or become bitter with Him. I hope they can evaluate life and how they are living it. We can’t blame ourselves for a tragic death like this one, but rather we need to look forward and think about how we can be living life in a way that reflects God and his purpose for us to love Him and love those around us.